Autistic Social Skills: Cut me Some Slack Please

Why, as an Autistic person, do I find myself spending an inordinate amount of my time and thought processing on trying to making sure that I don’t “offend” anyone, when nearly nobody cares one bit if they offend me? What is up with that?

I am always second-guessing the things that I say, or write, to be sure that they are not going to offend anyone. I find that most other people don’t give a darn if they offend me. They do whatever they want without giving it even a passing thought. This is a serious unbalance of social consideration.

Since I have a DIAGNOSED CONDITION, that has a core feature of having difficulty with social situations, I should be given the benefit of the doubt when I am trying to communicate with other people. They should be looking at ways of helping me to get my message across instead of nit-picking my word choices.

Nobody is perfect, but it seems like people demand perfection from me when they are dealing with an area that I am diagnosed to have difficulty. Why then do they seem to DEMAND perfection from me when they don’t seem to care if they, themselves, offend anyone? What is up with this double-standard way of thinking about things?

No wonder so many Autistic people get frustrated with the world at large. You demand social perfection from Autistic people that most of you donʻt bother to even try to attain in your own social interactions. It is really unbalanced. It is just plain unfair and wrong for you to demand perfection from us when you donʻt seem to care to provide the same considerations to us!

Disrespectful and rude people are telling you all about themselves by the way they treat others. You donʻt need to allow them to bring you down. They are showing themselves to have a problem that you donʻt need to take on as your own problem.

I am going to keep on trying my best to be considerate and kind to others. I am going to keep on trying to Live Aloha! Living Aloha makes the world a better place for all of us! 

Here is my friend Paul Leo Klink speaking about the meaning of “Live Aloha” as well as other positive motivational things about the good that the attitude of Living Aloha does for everyone. – www.LiveAloha.org

Aloha

Aloha

Advertisements
Categories: Autism, Social Skills | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Post navigation

7 thoughts on “Autistic Social Skills: Cut me Some Slack Please

  1. Aloha my friends! Please don’t miss the TEDx talk about Living Aloha in the wrap up of my blog post. It’s well worth watching. –
    – – – –
    “I am going to keep on trying my best to be considerate and kind to others. I am going to keep on trying to Live Aloha! Living Aloha makes the world a better place for all of us!

    Here is my friend Paul Leo Klink speaking about the meaning of “Live Aloha” as well as other positive motivational things about the good that the attitude of Living Aloha does for everyone. – http://www.LiveAloha.org

  2. Nathan R. Buzby

    I find myself in this position a lot as well, I have heavily ingrained and arguably conditioned response not to offend. It is really quite exhausting and not just picking words, but picking tone, forcing myself to use body language that is not all that natural too me. But folks make so many judgments based on what they believe they are perceiving in object reality, no solid notion of an individuals personal context, and really no way of knowing. One would think logically then, that if someone cannot easily and inherently know a person’s context that judgment should not be their first intellectual recourse, sadly this is not the case. These days I am trying to be more authentic, self advocate and not care all that much if they still continue to judge me, I cannot account for all aspects of their worldview and inherent wiring, just my own, and I would rather stop faking being nice, happy, and well adjusted and keeping my thoughts rattling around inside my head, then to speak my mind and take ownership of who I am, and those who cannot handle, well I have lost more than a few friends since my diagnosis, personally I feel relieved to no longer feel the need to kowtow to their socially defined and rigid ritual behaviors. I still try to be civil, one does not have to be totally blunt and unsympathetic, but if someone open’s them selves up for what I see is a teachable moment, yeah I am going for it now, to remain silent is to allow for continued ignorance and misinformation to spread. I coined a term awhile ago “you cannot educate via omission” and boy do a lot of people who think they have some notion of reality is and how things are “supposed to be” need some educating =)

  3. Reblogged this on Behind starburst eyes and commented:
    So much YES

  4. Shaun

    This is precisely why I starting telling my son’s team at school to stop teaching explicit “social skills” because it became so confusing for him to put what he was learning into practice with kids who were not learning “social skills”. He was uber polite and everyone else was not. It was unfair and bullshit, and I pushed for self advocacy rather than scrips and rules no one else was following routinely anyway.

  5. Dawn

    I’m just seeing this now, but thank you! This is a huge problem for me. What makes it worse is when people hurt your feelings and then they or someone else goes “I was just joking!” and even though it was offensive and hurt you, you have to then say nothing because it’s apparently acceptable as long as it’s joking. People need to work on being nicer to people in general I think, and more understanding toward people with social difficulties like those of us with ASD. We don’t choose to have social difficulties, but they sure choose to be dismissive and rude.

    Thank you again for posting this.

  6. Jayasree Srivastava

    You’are a brave & kind person, determinedly trying to be considerate in the face of indifference & rudeness. Keep it up & keep up the good work of educating people about Autism & other special need challenges. Thank you

  7. You sound just like me! Wow! I think my bubble was popped as a sweet innocent toddler having innocent happiness, only to be faulted later for being quiet. I long to be validated and treated as though I matter. You’re awesome man! Hang Loose!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Everyday Aspie

Relationships through the eyes of an autistic

The Vaccine Blog

Karen Ernst

Walkin' on the edge

Acceptance, inclusion, and the day to day journey of a family and their Autistic Child in the Neuro-typical (NT) world.

Naked Security

Computer Security News, Advice and Research

Rock the Gear

All the Gear, Every Time You Ride

autisticality

Writer, knitter, 22-year-old autistic nonbinary human.

Echoes of Mermaids

* A Life Lived Through an Autistic Lens on a playground of colliding worlds

Roses are Red for Autism

Life is beautiful the autistic way

Psychopath Resistance

Learn how to recognize them. Then you can resist them.

PWN-USA

Positive Women's Network - United States of America

After Narcissistic Abuse

There is Light, Life & Love

Hawai'i Forward

Progressive Hawai'i

Dancing in the OR

Life and Love in the Trauma Unit

hope for autistics

Creating blessed opportunities for autistics

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

A Scientifically Based Model of "Parental Alienation"

Proudly Sensitive

Past and Passages of a Sensitive Boy

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Neurotropes Blog

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

The Invisible Scar

raising awareness of emotional child abuse, its effects on adult survivors & the power of words on children

Your Lighter Side

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Gluten-Free, Sugar-Free, Low-Carb, Atkins, Diabetic, Ketogenic Healthy Eating

modifiedmom.com

the adventures of a MAD mom

Light It Up True

Shining light on the truth about autism

Apollina 64/10

Rasmussen's Encephalitis from a Patient's Point-of-View

dkmnow

David K. March And The Sociopolitical Blog Of Doom

Poor as Folk

A resource for people who need to feed themselves and live with little money. Also examining the political & social climate regarding poverty and hunger

Eccentricities and Introspection

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

tomplastow

Social commentary blog from a Libertarian Socialist.

Aspergers: Through My Eyes

An honest account of my life on the spectrum!

Lovingthebigisland's Weblog

Putting the Magic of Hawaii at Your Fingertips...

Everyday Asperger's

Life through the eyes of a female with Aspergers

My Search for a Diagnosis

Aspe writer sharing his thoughts

S.R. Salas

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

...autisticook

Because life is in the details

Blogging Astrid

A Dutch Woman Blogs in English

The Caffeinated Autistic

Neurodivergence, queer things, and fandom

%d bloggers like this: