Posts Tagged With: Asperger syndrome

Autistic Aloha Comment Moderation

Here is a hint for people commenting on my blog, ‘Autistic Aloha.’ If your comment is: vilifying Autism; talking about a non-existent Autism “epidemic;” blaming Autism on anti-vaccine rubbish; calling Autistics a “burden,” “tragedy,” “damaged,” etc; or talking about a non-existent “Big Pharma Conspiracy;” I will not allow it.

I am all about Autism Acceptance. It’s MY blog and I don’t have to let harmful, hurtful, or damaging comments on MY blog. Those negative types of comments won’t make it past moderation.

Thank you to all the thoughtful, supportive, and Autism accepting commenters who add value by posting good comments to my blog.

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Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Socializing as an Autistic: The Burden of Second Guessing

It happens like this. One day I ran into someone at a gas station that I had not seen for a while. It was nice to see them and I enjoyed seeing them. However, as I drove away, an old familiar though process kicked in. —

  1. Did I say the right things?
  2. Did I forget to say something?
  3. Should I have extended my hand for a friendly handshake?
  4. Should I have given a quick hug?
  5. Did I look at the person’s face enough?
  6. Did I look at their face too much?
  7. Did my eyes dart around too much and make them uncomfortable?
  8. Boy, I sure hope that they enjoyed talking with me.
  9. And so on…  

This is the burden that I seem to have to bear during, and after, nearly every social interaction that I have with people. I feel so out of place, like a fish out of water.

Even though people should understand that my social skills will be spotty because I am Autistic, I rarely come away from social interactions without second guessing myself.  

I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel like I am totally getting these things right. Please know that I am concerned about doing the right things. Please know that I really do enjoy catching up with my friends. Please don’t ever get the idea that I don’t like you if you see me being awkward, or uncomfortable, during any social encounter. I really do like talking with you even if I am not that good at it. I am friendly even if it doesn’t’ always seem readily apparent. 

Thank you for your understanding of my Autistic social anxieties. Please remember that I am trying hard to do the right things. My mind is racing behind the conversation to come up with the right words. Please allow me a little extra time to process my thoughts. Please know that I value your time, attention, and friendship. 

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Judgment and Oppression vs Love and Acceptance

Yesterday, a family member called to wish our son a Happy Birthday. As far as I can tell, that part of the phone call went well. However, after the phone was handed back to me an old familiar thing happened. I was told how I needed to do something differently than I am. I was subjected to the same old disapproval that I have been suffering from my whole life. I was given unwanted/unrequested criticism, correction and advice.

I have lived with shaming and disapproval for my “different” behavior my entire life. I am a mess of mental and emotional wounds and scars. This is the legacy of a childhood of being constantly shamed and punished for being an undiagnosed Autistic, an atypical undiagnosed child.

Unwanted “advice” always takes away my comfort. It is like ripping open an old wound or sticking a knife into one of them. Despite the clear boundaries that I have tried to put in place, this “loved one” once again triggered feelings of never being “good enough” for them. There I was enjoying my son’s birthday and bam! here comes anxiety from disapproval and oppression by a loved one.

I don’t want or need constant criticism, correction and disapproval from a “loved one” who spent so much time hurting me as they tried to make me more “normal.” I am really so done with putting up with that kind of treatment. Somehow, they even try to turn this around and make it a matter of my need to “forgive” them. I really don’t understand how someone who has treated me wrongly can demand that I “forgive all” without ever actually apologizing for this continuing emotional manipulation and abuse.

I am trying very hard to reduce the stress and anxiety in my life. This person never fails to induce bad feelings, anxiety and stress with their never-ending criticisms and disapproval. I really feel like I am under attack. I need to avoid this toxic oppression of my self-confidence and self-esteem.

I used to share “Don’t judge me” memes but now I think that we need some new memes that say “Don’t oppress me!”

I want unconditional love and acceptance. I don’t want constant criticism, emotional manipulation, and abuse. Is that so hard? I think that many Autistic people will agree with me on this. Love and Acceptance is what we need.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Autistic Loner, Not by My Choice.

I have always been pretty quiet around people that I don’t know or barely know. Once I become comfortable with someone, I often open up with them. In fact, many times, the floodgates open and I attempt to tell them all about myself. I tell my life story to them. That’s when most of them decide to vacate and fade out of my life. I have no understanding why showing that I trust them enough to share my story with them runs them off, but it usually does.

My entire life I have usually only had one or two friends at a time. I am in my 50s now and it is still like this. I like people and I try very hard to be polite and a nice person. It doesn’t seem to matter. Because I look at people in the mouth instead of in the eyes, and other so called “quirks” of being Autistic, I am most often rejected. This is part of my story and the story of many others just like me.

And yet, people can’t understand why Autistic Adults are calling for more than simple Autism Awareness, we want Autism Acceptance. We don’t want to be rejected, shunned and excluded for being Autistic; for being “different.” We want to be welcomed and accepted, just the way we are, Autistic. We are not that much different that we can’t be good friends. Please give us a chance. We are loyal and good people. We are Autistic. Autistic is alright. It really is.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Myth: All Autistics are Happy Being Loners

I am Autistic. I am not a good social self-starter.

People sometimes tell me, “We should get together for a visit.” or something similar, and I will say, “Yes, that would be nice.” Then months, or even years, go by with me waiting to see them. I don’t understand why things often don’t get beyond that first offer to get together. I guess they may be waiting for me to make some plans at that point?

“The hallmark feature of ASD is impaired social interaction.”

I have a social disability. So, I am not often going to make the social plans and invite people to do things. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to visit or do things with people. I do enjoy other people. It is just not likely that I will make the first move, or sometimes even the second move.

I don’t readily understand the idea of a “social scoreboard” where people seem to keep track of who’s turn it is to make the social plans.

When in doubt, about me, please ask me rather than assuming that I am happy spending most of my time alone. I do enjoy my friends and want to do things with them.

All Autistics are not “loners” by choice. Many of us want to enjoy time with friends but don’t get included as often as we would like. Please consider these things and remember that most of us can be great friends if you give us the chance.

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

10 Tips on How to Communicate with Autistic People

Go check out the wonderful blog, Autismum. I have some guest posts hosted over there from before I began my own blog. This ’10 Tips’ blog post is one that has been very popular. Go check out the other posts as well on Autismum.com. Lot’s of great reading there! ❤

Autismum

Guest Post by Steve Summers*

View original post 837 more words

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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