Posts Tagged With: Social Disability

Autistic Social Skills: Cut me Some Slack Please

Why, as an Autistic person, do I find myself spending an inordinate amount of my time and thought processing on trying to making sure that I don’t “offend” anyone, when nearly nobody cares one bit if they offend me? What is up with that?

I am always second-guessing the things that I say, or write, to be sure that they are not going to offend anyone. I find that most other people don’t give a darn if they offend me. They do whatever they want without giving it even a passing thought. This is a serious unbalance of social consideration.

Since I have a DIAGNOSED CONDITION, that has a core feature of having difficulty with social situations, I should be given the benefit of the doubt when I am trying to communicate with other people. They should be looking at ways of helping me to get my message across instead of nit-picking my word choices.

Nobody is perfect, but it seems like people demand perfection from me when they are dealing with an area that I am diagnosed to have difficulty. Why then do they seem to DEMAND perfection from me when they don’t seem to care if they, themselves, offend anyone? What is up with this double-standard way of thinking about things?

No wonder so many Autistic people get frustrated with the world at large. You demand social perfection from Autistic people that most of you donʻt bother to even try to attain in your own social interactions. It is really unbalanced. It is just plain unfair and wrong for you to demand perfection from us when you donʻt seem to care to provide the same considerations to us!

Disrespectful and rude people are telling you all about themselves by the way they treat others. You donʻt need to allow them to bring you down. They are showing themselves to have a problem that you donʻt need to take on as your own problem.

I am going to keep on trying my best to be considerate and kind to others. I am going to keep on trying to Live Aloha! Living Aloha makes the world a better place for all of us! 

Here is my friend Paul Leo Klink speaking about the meaning of “Live Aloha” as well as other positive motivational things about the good that the attitude of Living Aloha does for everyone. – www.LiveAloha.org

Aloha

Aloha

Advertisements
Categories: Autism, Social Skills | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Unconditional Acceptance

Q: Unconditional Acceptance, what is that?

A: The answer for me: accepting others as they are, without putting preconditions on that acceptance.

I see way too many people who seem to love criticizing and ridiculing other people because they are different from themselves, or because they make different choices for their clothing, style, beliefs, etc.

I am personally working on unconditionally accepting other people. (This doesn’t include toxic or abusive people. Bullies don’t get a free pass from me.)

If a person decides to have green hair and it makes them happy, why would someone else make fun of them for that choice? It is not your place to try to force anyone else to conform to your desires, is it? Leave them alone and let them be happy. It is none of your concern.

Another example would be tattoos. Some people ridicule, condemn, and judge people who have tattoos. Why? Tattoos have been around longer than any living person on this planet. If someone chooses to get a tattoo what business is it of yours? If it makes them happy then that is what matters. I have even seen people with one style of tattoo making fun of other styles of tattoos. Why do that? It is a form of judgment and oppression to be so negative and critical of other people. Does it make things better for anyone to do that? No it does not.

Another big example are attitudes towards disabilities. Too many people are ableist bigots. They only value able-bodied people and put down those with visible or invisible disabilities. Why do that? It is wrong. Think about this – if you currently don’t have any kind of disability, you are very most likely only temporarily fully able-bodied. At some point in your life you are very likely to become temporarily or permanently disabled to some degree. Nothing is guaranteed in life except change. Things change. Change is something that happens to everyone. Someday you might be one of those disabled people whom you look down on now.

There are plenty of other examples. I don’t need to list them all.

Try to be accepting that other people are not all just like you. They have the right to make their own choices in life. If you are spreading misery and hate then you are making the world a worse place for everyone. Try to spread love and kindness. Try, at the very least, to avoid being a bully who makes fun of other people. Try to make the world a kinder and more accepting place for all people.

Don’t be the prick that pops other people’s bubbles of happiness.

Be someone who helps to make others to smile. Try to make people happier for having you around them.

Thank you.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism, Epilepsy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Socializing as an Autistic: The Burden of Second Guessing

It happens like this. One day I ran into someone at a gas station that I had not seen for a while. It was nice to see them and I enjoyed seeing them. However, as I drove away, an old familiar though process kicked in. —

  1. Did I say the right things?
  2. Did I forget to say something?
  3. Should I have extended my hand for a friendly handshake?
  4. Should I have given a quick hug?
  5. Did I look at the person’s face enough?
  6. Did I look at their face too much?
  7. Did my eyes dart around too much and make them uncomfortable?
  8. Boy, I sure hope that they enjoyed talking with me.
  9. And so on…  

This is the burden that I seem to have to bear during, and after, nearly every social interaction that I have with people. I feel so out of place, like a fish out of water.

Even though people should understand that my social skills will be spotty because I am Autistic, I rarely come away from social interactions without second guessing myself.  

I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel like I am totally getting these things right. Please know that I am concerned about doing the right things. Please know that I really do enjoy catching up with my friends. Please don’t ever get the idea that I don’t like you if you see me being awkward, or uncomfortable, during any social encounter. I really do like talking with you even if I am not that good at it. I am friendly even if it doesn’t’ always seem readily apparent. 

Thank you for your understanding of my Autistic social anxieties. Please remember that I am trying hard to do the right things. My mind is racing behind the conversation to come up with the right words. Please allow me a little extra time to process my thoughts. Please know that I value your time, attention, and friendship. 

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

An Autistic Core Feature: Difficulty With Social Interactions.

What is a core feature of Autism Spectrum Conditions (ASC)? – 

Difficulty with social interactions. 

Should you be angry or rude with someone in a wheelchair because they cannot walk? NO, you should not!
Should you become angry if someone who has hearing difficulties asks you to repeat yourself? Of course not! 

Similarly, knowing that one of the main issues for many Autistic people is having impaired social skills, should you become angry and/or rude to an Autistic for an unintentional social error? I don’t think you should.

With Autism, you should take a person’s good intentions into account instead of getting all wrapped up in a poor choice of words, or an unintentional social error. I want to do the right thing, but, I don’t always know the right words to say. Please help us by being kind and understanding. Please practice acceptance and tolerance for our differences. Please work with us, instead of against us.

Perhaps the self-proclaimed “Perfect People” who nit-pick and criticize the communication style of Autistics could keep this in mind? Perhaps they could cut us some slack and look at the actual intended meaning of our communications instead of getting all wrapped up in being offended by the way we say something?

Maybe they could STOP correcting us for the way we have said something, and instead try listening to the intent of what we are saying? Would that be too much to ask? I don’t think it is.

Please listen to the intended message of our communications and don’t side-track into telling us that we are not using the right “tone.” For most of us, our natural tendency is to “tell it like it is.” We tend to be honest and blunt. We are unlikely to “sugar coat” the things that we say. Isn’t honesty always the best policy? Yes it is. So honor our honesty instead of getting offended by our blunt “tone.”

This is so basic to understanding Autism that I don’t understand why so many people don’t grasp this concept. Difficulty with social interactions is a CORE feature of Autism. Please understand this. Don’t be so easily offended by us! We try very hard. Give this some thought before correcting us on how we are saying things! Thank you!

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Prosopagnosia: Face Blindness in Action.

Face blindness in action. —

Yesterday, while I was checking my Post Office Box for mail, a lady came up to me, said “Hi” and started talking to me. I was frantically mentally scrambling to figure out, “Who is this woman who is standing right in front of me talking like she knows me? ” Eventually, she asked me if the lawn had been mowed at my landlord’s place next door to me. Finally, I figured out that she is the landlord’s friend who helps with painting and landscaping. I had been at work, so I told her that I didn’t know if the yard had been mowed yet. I told her that it was nice to see her again and we parted ways. I never did remember her name, nor did I address her by name.

This is what it is like for me to have Prosopagnosia (face blindness) issues. Sometimes I find my brain in a virtual whirlwind of frantic thinking, trying desperately to figure out who i am talking to and where I know them from. It is not really a pleasant thing and all the while I try to keep smiling and talking so they do not get offended by my initial lack of recognition of them.

I smile and am friendly to people that I meet, but, sometimes, my lack of immediate recognition seems to offend people. It is not an intentional slight or insult. It is something that I struggle with. Please understand that an enormous amount of brain processing is happening behind the scenes when I meet up with someone at an unexpected location or time. If I look confused, do not get offended. I am trying very hard to pick up on the clues that I need to decipher your identity. Please excuse me if you see a look of confusion on my face when we meet. It helps if you say something that reminds me of how we know each other or where we usually see each other.

“Face blindness (prosopagnosia) is common among people with autism spectrum disorders.” 

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

Everyday Aspie

Relationships through the eyes of an autistic

The Vaccine Blog

Karen Ernst

Walkin' on the edge

Acceptance, inclusion, and the day to day journey of a family and their Autistic Child in the Neuro-typical (NT) world.

Naked Security

Computer Security News, Advice and Research

Rock the Gear

All the Gear, Every Time You Ride

autisticality

Writer, knitter, 22-year-old autistic nonbinary human.

Echoes of Mermaids

* A Life Lived Through an Autistic Lens on a playground of colliding worlds

Roses are Red for Autism

Life is beautiful the autistic way

Psychopath Resistance

Learn how to recognize them. Then you can resist them.

PWN-USA

Positive Women's Network - United States of America

After Narcissistic Abuse

There is Light, Life & Love

Hawai'i Forward

Progressive Hawai'i

Dancing in the OR

Life and Love in the Trauma Unit

hope for autistics

Creating blessed opportunities for autistics

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

A Scientifically Based Model of "Parental Alienation"

Proudly Sensitive

Past and Passages of a Sensitive Boy

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Neurotropes Blog

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

The Invisible Scar

raising awareness of emotional child abuse, its effects on adult survivors & the power of words on children

Your Lighter Side

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Gluten-Free, Sugar-Free, Low-Carb, Atkins, Diabetic, Ketogenic Healthy Eating

modifiedmom.com

the adventures of a MAD mom

Light It Up True

Shining light on the truth about autism

Apollina 64/10

Rasmussen's Encephalitis from a Patient's Point-of-View

dkmnow

David K. March And The Sociopolitical Blog Of Doom

Poor as Folk

A resource for people who need to feed themselves and live with little money. Also examining the political & social climate regarding poverty and hunger

Eccentricities and Introspection

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

tomplastow

Social commentary blog from a Libertarian Socialist.

Aspergers: Through My Eyes

An honest account of my life on the spectrum!

Lovingthebigisland's Weblog

Putting the Magic of Hawaii at Your Fingertips...

Everyday Asperger's

Life through the eyes of a female with Aspergers

My Search for a Diagnosis

Aspe writer sharing his thoughts

S.R. Salas

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

...autisticook

Because life is in the details

Blogging Astrid

A Dutch Woman Blogs in English

The Caffeinated Autistic

Neurodivergence, queer things, and fandom