Posts Tagged With: Social issue

Autistic Social Skills: Cut me Some Slack Please

Why, as an Autistic person, do I find myself spending an inordinate amount of my time and thought processing on trying to making sure that I don’t “offend” anyone, when nearly nobody cares one bit if they offend me? What is up with that?

I am always second-guessing the things that I say, or write, to be sure that they are not going to offend anyone. I find that most other people don’t give a darn if they offend me. They do whatever they want without giving it even a passing thought. This is a serious unbalance of social consideration.

Since I have a DIAGNOSED CONDITION, that has a core feature of having difficulty with social situations, I should be given the benefit of the doubt when I am trying to communicate with other people. They should be looking at ways of helping me to get my message across instead of nit-picking my word choices.

Nobody is perfect, but it seems like people demand perfection from me when they are dealing with an area that I am diagnosed to have difficulty. Why then do they seem to DEMAND perfection from me when they don’t seem to care if they, themselves, offend anyone? What is up with this double-standard way of thinking about things?

No wonder so many Autistic people get frustrated with the world at large. You demand social perfection from Autistic people that most of you donʻt bother to even try to attain in your own social interactions. It is really unbalanced. It is just plain unfair and wrong for you to demand perfection from us when you donʻt seem to care to provide the same considerations to us!

Disrespectful and rude people are telling you all about themselves by the way they treat others. You donʻt need to allow them to bring you down. They are showing themselves to have a problem that you donʻt need to take on as your own problem.

I am going to keep on trying my best to be considerate and kind to others. I am going to keep on trying to Live Aloha! Living Aloha makes the world a better place for all of us! 

Here is my friend Paul Leo Klink speaking about the meaning of “Live Aloha” as well as other positive motivational things about the good that the attitude of Living Aloha does for everyone. – www.LiveAloha.org

Aloha

Aloha

Categories: Autism, Social Skills | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Unconditional Acceptance

Q: Unconditional Acceptance, what is that?

A: The answer for me: accepting others as they are, without putting preconditions on that acceptance.

I see way too many people who seem to love criticizing and ridiculing other people because they are different from themselves, or because they make different choices for their clothing, style, beliefs, etc.

I am personally working on unconditionally accepting other people. (This doesn’t include toxic or abusive people. Bullies don’t get a free pass from me.)

If a person decides to have green hair and it makes them happy, why would someone else make fun of them for that choice? It is not your place to try to force anyone else to conform to your desires, is it? Leave them alone and let them be happy. It is none of your concern.

Another example would be tattoos. Some people ridicule, condemn, and judge people who have tattoos. Why? Tattoos have been around longer than any living person on this planet. If someone chooses to get a tattoo what business is it of yours? If it makes them happy then that is what matters. I have even seen people with one style of tattoo making fun of other styles of tattoos. Why do that? It is a form of judgment and oppression to be so negative and critical of other people. Does it make things better for anyone to do that? No it does not.

Another big example are attitudes towards disabilities. Too many people are ableist bigots. They only value able-bodied people and put down those with visible or invisible disabilities. Why do that? It is wrong. Think about this – if you currently don’t have any kind of disability, you are very most likely only temporarily fully able-bodied. At some point in your life you are very likely to become temporarily or permanently disabled to some degree. Nothing is guaranteed in life except change. Things change. Change is something that happens to everyone. Someday you might be one of those disabled people whom you look down on now.

There are plenty of other examples. I don’t need to list them all.

Try to be accepting that other people are not all just like you. They have the right to make their own choices in life. If you are spreading misery and hate then you are making the world a worse place for everyone. Try to spread love and kindness. Try, at the very least, to avoid being a bully who makes fun of other people. Try to make the world a kinder and more accepting place for all people.

Don’t be the prick that pops other people’s bubbles of happiness.

Be someone who helps to make others to smile. Try to make people happier for having you around them.

Thank you.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism, Epilepsy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Autistic Loner, Not by My Choice.

I have always been pretty quiet around people that I don’t know or barely know. Once I become comfortable with someone, I often open up with them. In fact, many times, the floodgates open and I attempt to tell them all about myself. I tell my life story to them. That’s when most of them decide to vacate and fade out of my life. I have no understanding why showing that I trust them enough to share my story with them runs them off, but it usually does.

My entire life I have usually only had one or two friends at a time. I am in my 50s now and it is still like this. I like people and I try very hard to be polite and a nice person. It doesn’t seem to matter. Because I look at people in the mouth instead of in the eyes, and other so called “quirks” of being Autistic, I am most often rejected. This is part of my story and the story of many others just like me.

And yet, people can’t understand why Autistic Adults are calling for more than simple Autism Awareness, we want Autism Acceptance. We don’t want to be rejected, shunned and excluded for being Autistic; for being “different.” We want to be welcomed and accepted, just the way we are, Autistic. We are not that much different that we can’t be good friends. Please give us a chance. We are loyal and good people. We are Autistic. Autistic is alright. It really is.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Born Autistic, Always Autistic, Even Prior to My Diagnosis

I would like to say something about my Autism Diagnosis and my social issues. I did not suddenly become Autistic on the day that I was diagnosed (as an adult). I have been Autistic since the day that I was born.

I was very well aware that I did not “fit in” well with most other people. I sometimes even told people that, even though I am polite and know to say “please” and “thank you,” my social skills are “poor.” I knew that I didn’t understand the social rules, no matter how much that I tried, and I admitted to having “bad social skills” to people before my diagnosis.

You know those scenes in movies and on TV where people go into a bar by themselves and go up to the bar for a drink? That was not me! I would never go into a bar unless I was with a friend or co-worker. I would never go into a place like that by myself. It just didn’t happen. It still doesn’t happen. I need to have someone that I already know to cling to, in order to function in that type of social situation.

I have always socially blundered along, accidentally offending and alienating people without any clue as to what I was doing wrong.

Now, I am disappointed to report that even though I have been diagnosed with a social disability, and I am known to be Autistic, people still don’t understand these things about me.

Even people who claim to understand Autism expect social perfection from me. Sorry, I am not wired that way and I am never going to be socially perfect. I can try really hard, but, I often blunder about making a real mess of things.

I sure wish that my loved ones and friends would understand my social skills disability and cut me some slack. It is frustrating that they seem to hold me to some impossible high standard based on an invisible social rule-book that I don’t have access to and can’t understand nor measure up to.

Unfortunately, many get offended at my every little mis-step and then they go on the attack, or withdraw without explaining it to me. It makes navigation of the social world that much harder for me because I suddenly get attacked for the delivery of my message and the actual message gets lost in the noise about how it was said instead of getting back to the core matter at hand. Sometimes they simply fail to reply and that leaves me lost and confused as to what the heck went wrong. Silence from others is so hurtful to me.

Please accept that I am well meaning and kind, but, I am socially clumsy and I am very likely to say or do things that don’t always fit the “hidden social norms.” Please accept me as an Autistic Adult and adjust your expectations accordingly. Please assume that I mean well even if I do make some mistakes. Thank you.

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

Everyday Aspie

Relationships through the eyes of an autistic

The Vaccine Blog

Karen Ernst

Walkin' on the edge

Acceptance, inclusion, and the day to day journey of a family and their Autistic Child in the Neuro-typical (NT) world.

Naked Security

Computer Security News, Advice and Research

Rock the Gear

All the Gear, Every Time You Ride

autisticality

Writer, knitter, 22-year-old autistic nonbinary human.

Echoes of Mermaids

* A Life Lived Through an Autistic Lens on a playground of colliding worlds

Roses are Red for Autism

Life is beautiful the autistic way

Psychopath Resistance

Learn how to recognize them. Then you can resist them.

PWN-USA

Positive Women's Network - United States of America

After Narcissistic Abuse

There is Light, Life & Love

Hawai'i Forward

Progressive Hawai'i

Dancing in the OR

Life and Love in the Trauma Unit

hope for autistics

Creating blessed opportunities for autistics

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

A Scientifically Based Model of "Parental Alienation"

Proudly Sensitive

Past and Passages of a Sensitive Boy

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Neurotropes Blog

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

The Invisible Scar

raising awareness of emotional child abuse, its effects on adult survivors & the power of words on children

Your Lighter Side

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Gluten-Free, Sugar-Free, Low-Carb, Atkins, Diabetic, Ketogenic Healthy Eating

modifiedmom.com

the adventures of a MAD mom

Light It Up True

Shining light on the truth about autism

Apollina 64/10

Rasmussen's Encephalitis from a Patient's Point-of-View

dkmnow

David K. March And The Sociopolitical Blog Of Doom

Poor as Folk

A resource for people who need to feed themselves and live with little money. Also examining the political & social climate regarding poverty and hunger

Eccentricities and Introspection

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

tomplastow

Social commentary blog from a Libertarian Socialist.

Aspergers: Through My Eyes

An honest account of my life on the spectrum!

Lovingthebigisland's Weblog

Putting the Magic of Hawaii at Your Fingertips...

Everyday Asperger's

Life through the eyes of a female with Aspergers

My Search for a Diagnosis

Aspe writer sharing his thoughts

S.R. Salas

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

An Autistic Dad Sharing Aloha and Advocating for a Better, More Accepting World for my Son and Autistics Everywhere.

...autisticook

Because life is in the details

Blogging Astrid

A Dutch Woman Blogs in English

The Caffeinated Autistic

Neurodivergence, queer things, and fandom