Posts Tagged With: Social skills

Autistic Social Skills: Cut me Some Slack Please

Why, as an Autistic person, do I find myself spending an inordinate amount of my time and thought processing on trying to making sure that I don’t “offend” anyone, when nearly nobody cares one bit if they offend me? What is up with that?

I am always second-guessing the things that I say, or write, to be sure that they are not going to offend anyone. I find that most other people don’t give a darn if they offend me. They do whatever they want without giving it even a passing thought. This is a serious unbalance of social consideration.

Since I have a DIAGNOSED CONDITION, that has a core feature of having difficulty with social situations, I should be given the benefit of the doubt when I am trying to communicate with other people. They should be looking at ways of helping me to get my message across instead of nit-picking my word choices.

Nobody is perfect, but it seems like people demand perfection from me when they are dealing with an area that I am diagnosed to have difficulty. Why then do they seem to DEMAND perfection from me when they don’t seem to care if they, themselves, offend anyone? What is up with this double-standard way of thinking about things?

No wonder so many Autistic people get frustrated with the world at large. You demand social perfection from Autistic people that most of you donʻt bother to even try to attain in your own social interactions. It is really unbalanced. It is just plain unfair and wrong for you to demand perfection from us when you donʻt seem to care to provide the same considerations to us!

Disrespectful and rude people are telling you all about themselves by the way they treat others. You donʻt need to allow them to bring you down. They are showing themselves to have a problem that you donʻt need to take on as your own problem.

I am going to keep on trying my best to be considerate and kind to others. I am going to keep on trying to Live Aloha! Living Aloha makes the world a better place for all of us! 

Here is my friend Paul Leo Klink speaking about the meaning of “Live Aloha” as well as other positive motivational things about the good that the attitude of Living Aloha does for everyone. – www.LiveAloha.org

Aloha

Aloha

Categories: Autism, Social Skills | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Autistic Aloha Comment Moderation

Here is a hint for people commenting on my blog, ‘Autistic Aloha.’ If your comment is: vilifying Autism; talking about a non-existent Autism “epidemic;” blaming Autism on anti-vaccine rubbish; calling Autistics a “burden,” “tragedy,” “damaged,” etc; or talking about a non-existent “Big Pharma Conspiracy;” I will not allow it.

I am all about Autism Acceptance. It’s MY blog and I don’t have to let harmful, hurtful, or damaging comments on MY blog. Those negative types of comments won’t make it past moderation.

Thank you to all the thoughtful, supportive, and Autism accepting commenters who add value by posting good comments to my blog.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Socializing as an Autistic: The Burden of Second Guessing

It happens like this. One day I ran into someone at a gas station that I had not seen for a while. It was nice to see them and I enjoyed seeing them. However, as I drove away, an old familiar though process kicked in. —

  1. Did I say the right things?
  2. Did I forget to say something?
  3. Should I have extended my hand for a friendly handshake?
  4. Should I have given a quick hug?
  5. Did I look at the person’s face enough?
  6. Did I look at their face too much?
  7. Did my eyes dart around too much and make them uncomfortable?
  8. Boy, I sure hope that they enjoyed talking with me.
  9. And so on…  

This is the burden that I seem to have to bear during, and after, nearly every social interaction that I have with people. I feel so out of place, like a fish out of water.

Even though people should understand that my social skills will be spotty because I am Autistic, I rarely come away from social interactions without second guessing myself.  

I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel like I am totally getting these things right. Please know that I am concerned about doing the right things. Please know that I really do enjoy catching up with my friends. Please don’t ever get the idea that I don’t like you if you see me being awkward, or uncomfortable, during any social encounter. I really do like talking with you even if I am not that good at it. I am friendly even if it doesn’t’ always seem readily apparent. 

Thank you for your understanding of my Autistic social anxieties. Please remember that I am trying hard to do the right things. My mind is racing behind the conversation to come up with the right words. Please allow me a little extra time to process my thoughts. Please know that I value your time, attention, and friendship. 

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Autistic Loner, Not by My Choice.

I have always been pretty quiet around people that I don’t know or barely know. Once I become comfortable with someone, I often open up with them. In fact, many times, the floodgates open and I attempt to tell them all about myself. I tell my life story to them. That’s when most of them decide to vacate and fade out of my life. I have no understanding why showing that I trust them enough to share my story with them runs them off, but it usually does.

My entire life I have usually only had one or two friends at a time. I am in my 50s now and it is still like this. I like people and I try very hard to be polite and a nice person. It doesn’t seem to matter. Because I look at people in the mouth instead of in the eyes, and other so called “quirks” of being Autistic, I am most often rejected. This is part of my story and the story of many others just like me.

And yet, people can’t understand why Autistic Adults are calling for more than simple Autism Awareness, we want Autism Acceptance. We don’t want to be rejected, shunned and excluded for being Autistic; for being “different.” We want to be welcomed and accepted, just the way we are, Autistic. We are not that much different that we can’t be good friends. Please give us a chance. We are loyal and good people. We are Autistic. Autistic is alright. It really is.

Categories: Abuse Stories, Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Born Autistic, Always Autistic, Even Prior to My Diagnosis

I would like to say something about my Autism Diagnosis and my social issues. I did not suddenly become Autistic on the day that I was diagnosed (as an adult). I have been Autistic since the day that I was born.

I was very well aware that I did not “fit in” well with most other people. I sometimes even told people that, even though I am polite and know to say “please” and “thank you,” my social skills are “poor.” I knew that I didn’t understand the social rules, no matter how much that I tried, and I admitted to having “bad social skills” to people before my diagnosis.

You know those scenes in movies and on TV where people go into a bar by themselves and go up to the bar for a drink? That was not me! I would never go into a bar unless I was with a friend or co-worker. I would never go into a place like that by myself. It just didn’t happen. It still doesn’t happen. I need to have someone that I already know to cling to, in order to function in that type of social situation.

I have always socially blundered along, accidentally offending and alienating people without any clue as to what I was doing wrong.

Now, I am disappointed to report that even though I have been diagnosed with a social disability, and I am known to be Autistic, people still don’t understand these things about me.

Even people who claim to understand Autism expect social perfection from me. Sorry, I am not wired that way and I am never going to be socially perfect. I can try really hard, but, I often blunder about making a real mess of things.

I sure wish that my loved ones and friends would understand my social skills disability and cut me some slack. It is frustrating that they seem to hold me to some impossible high standard based on an invisible social rule-book that I don’t have access to and can’t understand nor measure up to.

Unfortunately, many get offended at my every little mis-step and then they go on the attack, or withdraw without explaining it to me. It makes navigation of the social world that much harder for me because I suddenly get attacked for the delivery of my message and the actual message gets lost in the noise about how it was said instead of getting back to the core matter at hand. Sometimes they simply fail to reply and that leaves me lost and confused as to what the heck went wrong. Silence from others is so hurtful to me.

Please accept that I am well meaning and kind, but, I am socially clumsy and I am very likely to say or do things that don’t always fit the “hidden social norms.” Please accept me as an Autistic Adult and adjust your expectations accordingly. Please assume that I mean well even if I do make some mistakes. Thank you.

Categories: Autism | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

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